BlogWhy Dishonesty in Politics Affects Us On a Personal Level
First shown on Welldoing.org October 24th 2018
In recent weeks we have been hearing blatant denials from Russia and Saudi Arabia about the state sponsored murders they have been accused of committing. The quality of the denials, despite evidence to the contrary, is what is so striking. Individual nations have in times past been responsible for the murder of dissidents on foreign soil, but rarely have we witnessed such blatant disregard for public opinion. In fact, the murder of Sergai Skripal was surely designed for maximum publicity to maximise terror.
When leaders blatantly lie it is a serious abuse. We are born depending on love and family for our survival. We need to be cared for and we need to trust those who are responsible for us and our wellbeing. When this trust is broken, children will suffer. People have often needed the care of their community for their very survival in times of crisis and hardship. When we hunted in groups, we needed to trust the integrity of our fellow hunters. We teach children that lying is wrong and being seen as untrustworthy is bad. We do need to be able to trust each other more than we distrust, if we are to live positive lives.
I think about the damage done to our politics by our Brexit referendum campaign - whether we voted to Remain or Leave - and what will be the long-term consequences for the political life in this country. People worry about demanding another referendum on the Brexit deal because the people who voted Leave will not trust the political process again. That is possible, but we can also consider the loss of trust that has taken place because of the many conscious falsehoods people were fed. Michael Gove, a government minister told us not to trust the ‘experts’ who did not agree with his views. Experts can be wrong of course, but it is a rare expert who deliberately lies.
Loss of trust in expertise will put our very survival at risk. Global warning is now virtually unanimously accepted as a danger to humanity and our way of life. It is a reality and we always deny reality our peril. We have been given only twelve years to make major changes to the way we live and the use of our resources. President Trump now says the climate might be changing but the causes are not necessarily ‘man-made.’ He says that the climate experts have a ‘political’ agenda. Indeed they have. Their agenda is to save the planet. However, in the world of Donald Trump, lying and politics seem to have become one and the same thing and this is very dangerous.
We lie at our peril. We damage our relationships and a sense of trust in the world. Being lied to is one of the most distressing of human experiences. When faced with a partner’s infidelity or a trusted friend’s betrayal, people will say it was the lying that hurt the most. People who lie easily cause immense hurt because our instinctive sense of trust is damaged and we feel foolish at having trusted them in the first place. We need to know what is true and untrue to make considered decisions and good decisions are always based on reality.
People who believed what they were told in the Brexit referendum don’t deserve mockery. They need sympathy because their trust was abused and that is serious. At some point if politics is to recover our respect, then the public figures who lie and distort reality will need either to apologise to us all or be held to account.
(This first appeared on the Welldoing.org site October 06 2015)
We live longer, healthier and often more affluent lives than ever. Why do so many of us feel like failures? Failure to get the job we wanted, failure to keep our job, failure not to be left by a partner, failure not to avoid getting cancer, failure to conceive, failure to stop a loved one dying. The list is endless.
When did so many of the possibilities of human tragedy become our fault?
As therapists, we understand that one function of ‘self-blame’ is that we have a fantasy notion of control when in reality we have very little and in some situations none at all. If it is our fault then we are not at the mercy of the randomness of the universe and we can feel less helpless. Yet unrealistic self-attack comes with a heavy price. We are not psychic but self-blame implies that we should be. ‘I should have known’, ‘I should have seen it coming’ are common cries of despair.
When painful things happen, initial self-blame is pretty normal. Why didn’t I do something differently? This is a common reaction to helplessness in the face of bad news but hopefully a more realistic and kinder view eventually prevails. But many of us can not let go of the belief that somehow it is their failure not to have kept bad things away. In the face of vulnerability and bad news, self-compassion can go out of the window and self-blame comes rushing in.
Loss of health should surely evoke self-compassion but staying healthy is often written about as if it was an absolute choice we could have made.
Endless articles are written about what we should and should not eat and how much exercise we need to be doing. The implication is that if you follow these guidelines you will stay well.
When Deidre was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 40 years she was naturally devastated and fearful. She felt that she had let her children down and kept wondering what had she ‘done’ that this should happen. She attacked herself for smoking in her twenties, for ‘bad’ eating habits. She went on a stringent eating regime and felt that she was taking control. However, any lapses in the regime would fill her with terrible anxiety and self-loathing. I felt that she needed to find for herself the kindness and understanding she would have given a friend in similar circumstances. She was not to blame for her cancer and having such a diagnosis was horrible. She was doing her best in the face of all the unknowns to stay healthy after treatment and no-one can ask for more.
We like to construct certainty in the face of uncertainty because it is scary living with uncertainty. Like the child’s game of not walking on cracks in the street, we tell ourselves that if we avoid alcohol/sugar/fats etc. we will stay well. If that doesn’t work perhaps it is kinder and more accurate to think 'I did my best', rather than blame oneself.
We live in a culture where so much is possible but we do not have much of a language or indeed wisdom for what is not possible. People ‘lose’ the battle against cancer as if someone else could have won it. Atul Gawande’s wonderful book ‘Being Mortal’ is an indictment of how we, in the rich developed world, can see death as something to be fought every inch of the way regardless of the costs and quality of the life. We all die but if even death is constructed as a failure rather than inevitable, we are all going to fail.
See more at http://welldoing.org/article/why-do-we-feel-like-such-failures
How We Lose Trust in Politics and Politicians
As I was writing my thoughts on the erosion of trust in politics and our national institutions, the New Year Honours list was announced. Sean O’Grady, the journalist, wrote a passionate piece in the Independent. He felt ashamed that given the number of terrible events in the last year, the Prime Minister failed to reward ‘a single fireman or woman, police officer, paramedic, hospital worker, or any civilian’ caught up in the horrifying events of the Manchester bombings, nor the Borough Market attack, nor the Grenfell Tower fire. These were people who actually risked their lives to rescue, support, comfort and treat the victims of these terrible events. He ended with, ‘If you want to understand why Britain has become more bitterly divided of late, you need do no more than have a flick through the honours list. It is, like the blackened hulk of the Grenfell Tower itself, a monument to a sickening hypocrisy.’
It is also, I would argue, politically inept. We are living in times where many people feel let down by the political institutions, believing that those with power will look after their own interests first. But looking after your own interests too ruthlessly can backfire. History is full of examples. The victors of the First World War exacted such a heavy price on the defeated Germany, it wrecked that country’s economy and gave birth to the rise of fascism. The ‘victors’ could only enjoy their ‘spoils’ for 22 years before they were at war again.
If society becomes so polarised between ‘winners and losers’, the ‘haves and have nots’, something very ugly and irrational can emerge as resentment builds. Wilkinson and Pickett in their illuminating book ‘The Spirit Level’ showed that in countries with the least income inequality there is a greater sense of wellbeing across all income levels. Everyone benefits from increasing equality and excessive inequality harms us all. If people feel disadvantaged, their confidence and health, both physical and mental, suffer. Their sense of mattering, or having significance, is damaged and multiple problems can ensue.
These feelings of inadequacy can be exploited by the ruthless. President Lyndon B Johnson put it succinctly and shockingly in 1960 with this example: "If you can convince the lowest white man that he's better than the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket." In other words, being provided with someone to look down on makes people more inclined to ignore the true cost of the cause they’re supporting. In lieu of better conditions and wider opportunities for all, you can be offered a false, distorted sense of superiority. This is the phenomena that President Trump has encouraged so effectively. Liberals, the ‘elite’, the mainstream media, Muslims, immigrants are all offered up as targets to be attacked and despised. Boosting a sense of importance at the expense of others rather than through the serious work of offering real opportunities for achievement.
People have a profound need to feel valued and if the culture and society don’t provide an opportunity for this to find expression, then it will find an outlet in another way. Why was Michael Gove, the lover of traditional educational values, so quick to dismiss the opinion of experts over Brexit during the referendum campaign? He was telling voters who felt let down, excluded, that their opinion is as valuable as the ‘experts’ also known as ‘the elite.’ The message is that you don’t need an education to understand difficult, complex economic issues. You know what you believe and that is good enough. Except it isn’t. It is deceptive and dishonest. Schooling does not make you a better person or a decent human being, but you do need knowledge and education to succeed in today’s society. Implying you do not, is an attempt to cover up and divert attention from the weaknesses of an education system that has failed to provide a good enough education for all. The ability to question and think critically is fundamental to a decent, democratic society. If knowledge is power then this power needs to be shared as widely as possible. Aaron Sorkin, who wrote the West Wing, said that what worried him the most was the ease with which people had come to disbelieve what was probably accurate in favour of what was patently false.
People, as I have said previously, need to feel important, need to feel they are significant. I have noticed that my clients who most strongly believe in conspiracy theories, often feel relatively marginalised and powerless. The strong pull of the conspiracy theory is that you are part of the ‘privileged’ few who ‘know’ what really happened. It is a powerful illusion to believe you have the truth about who killed President Kennedy, murdered Princess Diana, or flew planes into the twin towers.
First shown on welldoing.org February, 2018